WARNING: This post is a life update and completely sappy, so stop reading if you aren't emotionally equipped to deal.
So... I know I promised an article about the ocean, but I changed my mind. Sorry!
This week has been more emotional than I was expecting it to be. Today is my last day at my job, and while there are still some loose ends to tie up, I am essentially done.
I turned in my I.D., and said my farewells.
My week started out by reminiscing and talking through my year at the church. (for those of you who don't know, I worked as a resident assistant for a youth ministry here in Grand Rapids) Those three hours of reflecting left me reduced to tears. I had known this day was coming but I wasn't prepared to be this sad.
Mind you, some of this emotion comes from the fact that quarantine took away our time together in person, but it also came from the fact that I am leaving a community of Christians that I hadn't even realized were changing my life. So these three hours spent with my mentors were emotional to say the least. Y'all have no idea... they are the bees knees.
I forget sometimes what a luxury it is to think about God as part of my job. I get to dive into scripture and think about other people's faith journeys FOR MY JOB. I mean, that is an amazing thing. A few months ago, I realized how little I talk about faith with my friends. I also realized how little they talked about it with me too. I wondered if that was something I could change... I wondered if they weren't talking about faith because I wasn't bringing it up... or maybe they were struggling? Or maybe they just didn't care about their own faith... Or maybe they don't have any faith at all.
I realized I wanted to talk about God. So I started sneaking faith into more of my conversations. Some friends were really receptive and we were able to have awesome conversations that were just casual and fruitful. We exchanged advice, book recommendations, theological reflections etc. Other friends seemed reluctant to talk about it, or maybe even stubborn? Like they were completely convinced that their faith experience was the right one and they didn't care that others existed. Of course there were in betweens. There were the friends that listened and then changed the subject. Friends who said they didn't have faith but appreciated my thoughts. etc. But at the very least, I think my job helped me bring thoughts of faith to others attention. Even if I made some of my friends feel a little awko taco this year, I don't regret the conversations. It certainly didn't hurt for me to spread some Jesus in the air.
So you see... My job change my personal life. I thought they would forever be separate, but at the end of the day my job is a part of my life. Hannah at work is still Hannah the person, so what I learned as an employee was just me learning overall about myself. I didn't just learn how I "worked". Perhaps that seems obvious, but to me this was kind of a big revelation.
So now we come back to this bittersweet goodbye that has me feeling some type of way. I realized that loving God is "cool". Loving God in my own way is "cool". I learned that from My co-worker who always thinks through an idea thoroughly and provides details and references to her ideas. I mean come on, that is amazing! I also learned it through the co-worker who rehearses her teachings for hours on end so that the students can discover Jesus for themselves. AHHH so cool!
I just love seeing others be themselves. This year has shown me what that means. Love the individuals around you for the parts that make them THEM, not just the parts that make them like you. Listen to how others feel, experience, and move forward. Learn from them, and don't overshadow their experiences because they will shape your experiences for the better if you let them. I tell ya, I learned a thing or two from some pretty amazing sixth graders this year... I swear they have a better lock on the bible then I EVER will.
This job came with plenty of challenges. I definitely felt inferior more days than not, but I did learn the entire time I was there. It's never too late to be better for yourself and others. Thank you God for that! I feel as though I see the world and myself a little more clearly now (except my enneagram number, which I have been having a crisis about this week. By all means send me links to your favorite tests and books please! I've gotten 5 different numbers today)
I will miss dreaming, thinking, and learning from this amazing staff. The staff that wrote me such beautiful letters. but I am walking away with a full heart. So here is one more letter to myself, and maybe today you will write yourself a letter too.
Dear Hannah,
Happy last day of work.
On to whatever comes next.
Good Luck, and Take Heart!
It's Raining Somewhere,
-Hannah
..... Enjoy this video of my little moments from this year.
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